Brain Dump #2

Okay much better week last week. After I hit such a low from flying low for quite a while I got a glimpse of myself this week.

Unlike my other weeks I didn’t have any exciting plans this week but I spent quality time with some people I really love. I reflected a lot on the positive in my life which I truly believe there is a lot of. I can’t say my week was great but compared to the weeks before it was so much better and I would like to share some of the things that brought me great joy.

I wrote a letter to my boyfriend. I appreciate him so much and love him deeply. I felt my actions lately where not reflecting that. Not only did writing on paper felt so nice I let so many feelings out. It felt so good to feel I was communicating my true feelings. I was so happy. The best joy I got was his happiness when he received my letter. He was extremely grateful and also said it felt nice to feel my love in such a raw and vulnerable form. I cried while writing this and felt relieved.

Another thing I did was congratulate a friend on her relationship and reaching out to her. Often times my friendships get extremely neglected, I had liked her posts and reacted to her stories but hadn’t told her myself how happy I was for her. Reaching out to a friend was nice and I hope to set up a coffee date soon, I haven’t seen or talked to any of my friends since June and it was completely on me. The last time they saw me I was in a very negative mindset and I really want to just let them know I am happy for them. They have had engagements, promotions, new jobs etc and I am extremely happy for them but have been very bad about communicating that.

Lastly I talked to my sister a lot this week. I texted her back consciously. She is always sharing things with me and I will usually just read it react in my mind and not respond. I made it a conscious decision to respond and also share things with her. I also talked to her in person and she listened to me and for once I also listened to her. She will be moving away in about a month and one of my main goals is to be as close to her as I can and also after she leaves. I will help her move and decorate her new place and most importantly support her.

Most of my unhappiness lately was not being appreciative. No event, nice restaurant or gift was giving me any satisfaction and that is because I wasn’t happy with what I was dealing with on the inside.

My goal is to communicate and appreciate all the moments. My life is honestly great more than enough and maybe too much. I got used to everything and treated it as something “regular” when it is all so special.

This week I will write to my boyfriend again, hopefully see a friend and cook a meal for my parents. I even feel good enough to maybe go to the gym a few times. I am excited for what is coming and I feel very positive about change, I look forward to embracing everything in my life.

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